When you know deep down that your parent needs more help to accomplish daily life routines you start thinking about an alternative lifestyle for him/her. But you ask yourself, “How do I begin without first having the talk…and if we do, what will the outcome be?” Most caring family members are forced to make that decision after a catastrophic activating event.
Many adult children of aging parents struggle with making the right move, to the right place, at the right time. However, at The Lodge’s assisted living homes, we believe that the transition can be easier when you approach the problem by laying out the pros and cons both for yourself and your parent. Below are some ideas on how to do just that.
PRO – The assisted living home takes responsibility for the care of your loved one, relieving you vs. CON – You are responsible for your parent, at least emotionally, and the risk of a fall or worse, robs you of your sleep
PRO – You can sleep at night knowing your parent is safe, warm, fed, bathed & surrounded by people who care and passionately love what they do vs. CON – Your parent will be responsible for their daily routines of living and may forget to bathe, eat, or brush his/her teeth
PRO – Your parent can take their favorite things to an assisted living home to enjoy every day vs. CON – Your parent will miss their home and all their stuff that takes up space and collects dust
PRO – Medical and other care appointments and medication are managed by the care staff vs. CON – Your parent is responsible for taking meds or not
PRO – The assisted living home has a routine that helps residents have a purpose, feeling safe and taken care of vs. CON – Your parent is faced with fear of being alone, forgotten, and at risk
PRO – Your parent is encouraged to eat meals with others and to participate in activities that stimulate their mind and body vs. CON – Your parent can spend their day reading the obits to see who was lost recently; watching TV all day; snacking and/or sleeping
PRO – Wholesome food is served that promotes health and well-being vs. CON – Your parent may be unaware of their diet. This can include consuming old/spoiled food
PRO – Other residents are available to develop a friendship with vs. CON – Your parent spends their time alone, isolated from others; disconnected from others
PRO – Your parent is only a phone call or a short visit away where your focus can be on your relationship and not being a caregiver vs. CON – Your visits with your parent are all about his/her care; not about your relationship
After reading the above, you realize instantly that there is really no choice about when the right time is to have your parent move into assisted living – it’s when the responsibility to manage your parent is no longer possible by him/her, or by a family member. Also, when you read the list it’s easy to recognize that you will be doing the right thing for your parent so how can you feel guilty about it? If you share this list with your parent they will agree also and it will help you open up a conversation about planning it. You will also probably find out that your parent has been thinking about what to do too but won’t have that conversation with you to avoid burdening you with “the move.” Employ the above strategy and you’ll find that the upcoming move will be focused on a positive outcome, guilt-free.
Contributor: The Lodge’s assisted living homes offer 16-bedroom homes in a warm setting surrounded by a family of caregivers and residents. It was our passion to build a new home for the elderly members of our community to have all the amenities he/she could dream of, including walk-in bathtubs in each resident bathroom, individualized climate control, granite throughout, and a cozy area for eating and sitting together.
There are two locations to choose from, one in Coeur d’Alene off of Player Drive and Kathleen and the other in Post Falls just south of Seltice Way on Cedar. Our commitment to residents is to give them the best possible living experience so that he/she can live long and live well.